this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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