running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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