is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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