Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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