She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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