Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
