well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
