I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
