It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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