Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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