I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
