I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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