my being single is dangerous.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
