Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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