I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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