They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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