I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
