careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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