I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
if i died would you start the facebook group?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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