6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
