I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
