I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
