somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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