apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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