I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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