My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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