Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol

(661): View more from California

HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator

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(336): View more from North Carolina

i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People

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(917): View more from New York City

the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead

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(703): View more from Virginia

No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.

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(647): View more from Ontario

Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.

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(631): View more from New York

I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow

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(256): View more from Alabama

Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night

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