Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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