afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
