Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
