I'll bet she douches with gravy.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
