Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I need a beard to bite.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
