u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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