Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
