someone get that fucking seahorse.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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