We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
