butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
