Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
