I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
