you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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