I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
