i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
