just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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