Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize