Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
you never un-have a 4some
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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