Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize