My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
