You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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