No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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