So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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