You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
People probably think Iβm a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but itβs really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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