Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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