Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
