yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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