I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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