Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
