My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
