lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
