I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
