someone owes me an orgasm
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
