Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
