sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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