i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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