I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
