god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
