just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
