I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
