the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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