all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
