I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
